I was raised Southern Baptist. Of course, my parents wanted me to know God's Love, but I was also taught by the church to fear God's Wrath, and that sin is punished. There was a time in my life, when I felt very close to Jesus, in spite of the shame that I carried about "being a sinner". I felt well loved, well cared for, watched over, FORGIVEN, and then when I found out that the Baptists believed that all of my Jewish friends were going to hell when they died, it destroyed my faith in everything I had been taught. The God I knew wasn't that kind of God.

As an adult, and a devoted seeker, I've learned about all sorts of mystical traditions, from Toltec to Tao, Sufi to Santeria, and many more. I've also learned about people and myself and I've come to feel that there is a Spirit that gives me life, the Spirit of All Things, and that I am connected to All Things through this Divine Nature, that is essentially no more and no less than Everything. It's Gestalt! The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and, miraculously, we each get to experience the whole within ourselves. What Grace! How incredible!

I had a wonderful concert last night, and then a little party at my house afterwards, and this morning, I'm crying tears of Gratitude. I woke up in the arms of the man I love, a commited artist whose devotion to truth and questions and inner knowing inspires me more than anyone I've ever known. I'm looking around at my beautiful house now, eating delicious party left overs with my amazing children, reading emails from my wonderful, wonderful friends, and I'm thinking, "Did I make this? Did I EARN the love of this incredible man? Did I raise these amazing kids? Did I make this house so beautiful? Did I create the experience that these incredible people that I love so much are thanking ME for???? How can it be???"

But you know why I cry, don't you? Because it's Grace that has made my life so wonderful. It's Grace that made last night so wonderful. It's Grace that is giving me the chance to appreciate all this beauty right now so that I can feel so JOYFUL! It's all the Amazing Grace of a Universe that is designed to take care of itself. It's all one, big self fulfilling prophecy. I believe in LOVE! I'm surrounded by it... Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I'm known to say that I don't care whether I'm right or not, this is a fabulous way to live! My faith that the Great Spirit (the Creator, the Created, and the Play between them that is the present moment) CARES ABOUT ME, in some inexplicable way that has more to do with the nature of things, rather than something like the way humans care, GIVES ME STRENGTH. It's mostly this idea that by the Miracle that is Existance, everything I need comes to me (That's Grace.) when I believe that it is so. And it is so. In my life, it is so.

I guess another way of saying it is that simply by virtue of being alive, I am inherently lovable and all the possibilities of what that can mean in my life are available to me, if I am open to them. Oversimplified, I'm sure, and a conversation starter, I hope, but it may just be the bottom line, where my faith is concerned.

Don't get me wrong. I still have plenty of negative beliefs about myself and the world, and I'm still creating the opportunities I need to make myself aware of these limiting beliefs, and that is Grace too. Everyday is another chance to choose to Love, in the face of whatever challenges I've created for myself; I always have the choice to make my experiences healing ones. That's Grace. What a Miracle it is to be born into this existance! How delicious to wake up to our Divine Nature!

I'm so Grateful!

p.s. Have you read any Hafiz yet?

Posted on 12/3/05; 3:00:23 PM